The scene is still etched into my memory.  The room was huge, at least in the eyes of a five year old.  Chalkboards and colorful posters lined the walls.  The furnishings consisted mainly of kid sized chairs and tables, the only exception being the big teacher’s desk at the head of the classroom.  I distinctly remember a weird smell in the air that made me feel a little bit nauseous.  I discovered later that it was the teacher’s perfume.

I was one among many curtain climbers crowded into the big room for my first day of kindergarten.  Unlike some of the others, I had never seen the inside of a daycare building or a baby sitter’s house.  I’m not ashamed to say I missed my Mommy!

My Mother in 1963

You may call me a Mama’s boy, but I must tell you that I soon discovered the only way I could endure a day of kindergarten was to carry a photograph of my Mother with me to school.  I remember taking it out during lunch and looking at it for a long time.  I thought she was the prettiest lady in the whole world. She had dark hair and the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen; (and this was before colored contacts.)

This is just one of many childhood memories locked away for safe keeping.  I remember Mom canning vegetables in the hottest part of the summer so I could eat like a hog in the coldest part of the winter.

I remember watching her sew a cowboy outfit that I proudly wore to school.  Somewhere there is a class portrait that includes me sporting my brown tasseled suit and a big grin.  When I was in high school, she also sewed a tag in my gym shorts that read, “Hand made for Mommy’s little boy.”  (Took me a while to live that one down!)  I remember Mom taking me to get my driver’s license and comforting me when I failed the test.  

I remember being scolded, spanked and spoiled all in the same day!  For the spankings and the spoilings and the sewing and the canning and a million other things I don’t have room to include in this article, I would like to say Thanks Mom! I love you!

Not all people have happy memories of childhood.  Not all had a good relationship with their moms.  Frankly, not all people grew up with good moms.  If you don’t have good memories of your mother consider this text from scripture.  God is the speaker.   

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you.” (Isaiah 49:15)  Paraphrase; God is a good mother. 

Here’s another one.  “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)  Paraphrase; God is a good father.  God is a good mother.

If you are like me and you have good childhood memories, consider yourself blessed and celebrate this Mother’s Day by saying “Thanks Mom!  I Love You!”  And perhaps it is appropriate to say the same thing to God.  “Thanks Mom!  I Love You!”

Trying to Cry

I’m a little bit tear deficient.  Actually, I remember the day I stopped crying.

On a hot summer day I was playing in our yard when I crossed paths with a yellow jacket.  (Perhaps you have personal yellow jacket knowledge.)  That day a little guy, probably four years old, experienced his inaugural sting.

My father was nearby (I call him Pop) and came to my rescue.  He took me in the house, sat me on the kitchen counter and administered some sophisticated emergency medical treatment.  He took a pinch of chewing tobacco out of his mouth and applied it to the injury.   He told me to hold the tobacco poultice in place and it would draw out the poison.  A fascinating piece of information!

I remember something else about that kitchen counter conversation.  After “doctoring” on me Pop said, “Now stop crying.  Big men don’t cry.”  And I did.  I stopped crying and, to be honest, I’m having trouble starting back.

As I write this I’m sitting in a hospital room with my father.  He looks up at me with childlike confusion as I try to explain why he can’t take the blood oxygen thingy (the technical term) off his finger.  I just paused writing long enough to explain to him that Medlen is not pitching now because the Braves are batting.  The man who educated me about stuff like bee stings and baseball gets confused easily these days.

A few minutes ago I lifted him out of the bed and helped him stand while he used the urinal.  As I held him upright I couldn’t help but notice that the man who was once an imposing six feet, one inch is now several inches shorter than me.

And still the tears won’t come.

Pop fell the other day.  I was mowing my parent’s lawn when my mother rushed out to get me.  When I walked in he was sitting in the floor.  Mom told me he wanted to watch me out the window but his legs were just too weak.  I lifted his way-too-light frame into his chair. 

Back on the mower, I tried to cry.

It was the perfect opportunity.  I could have had a good cry without fear of intrusion.  Yet, despite a willing, hurting heart, my eyes were dry.  Puzzling!

What’s even more puzzling is that the tears have started sneaking up on me.  When I would normally be in complete control, a paragon of composure, the tears intrude.  It happened a couple weeks ago when I was leading our congregation in prayer for a little guy, six years old, fighting for his life in an ICU.  I choked up!  That wasn’t supposed to happen!  Why did that happen?

So maybe I’m just messed up.  My tear ducts don’t know when to work.  I want them to get this right… because right now I could use a good cry.

Burnout

It’s been a while since I blogged.  Actually, I’ve been struggling. 

Let me tell you part of my problem.  Therapists, psychologists and pastors refer to it as burnout.  I think I’ve been battling a mild case.  The good news is, after twenty-five years of being a pastor; I think I’m fairly self-aware.  I can see and feel the signs, normally a few days or weeks or months after my wife does.  (I said I was fairly self aware, not keenly self aware.)

I don’t think as clearly or creatively.  I’m distracted easily.  I’ll start a sentence and lose my train of… uh… thought.  I have less patience with myself and pretty much everybody else too.  I become short tempered, impatient, frustrated and tired… very tired… the tired when you wake up in the morning kind of tired.   

I vaguely recall my first bout with burnout when I was still a young pastor.  My response to the above list of symptoms was different then.  First, I felt guilty.  Then I confessed sins; all the sins I could think of.  I even made up some sins to confess.  But it didn’t help.  I determined to work harder, dig deeper.  But when I dug deeper there was nothing there.  When you dip out of an empty well, you come up empty.  I was empty.  Maybe you can relate.   

These days I follow a different treatment plan.  I go fishing.  Of course, fishing is not all I do.  I also sleep a lot.  There’s no agenda.  I just step off of the spinning wheel.  When I do, time slows, my mind clears and, without trying harder to do it, I commune with God. 

I was reading a book by Lauren Winner entitled

Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis.  Lauren retells an ancient legend about a monk who was disappointed with his spiritual development.  He thought he should feel closer to God.  So he goes to three different spiritual advisors who all give him the same advice.  “Go back to your cave.  Pray as you usually pray.  Drink when you are thirsty.  Eat when you are hungry.  Sleep when you are tired.”

I think there is a distinctly Western way of thinking, a way our minds are programmed, that tells us the solution to every problem is to do more.  If you’re doing poorly in school, study more.  If you’re not making enough money, work more.  If you’re dissatisfied with your social life, date more.  If you don’t like the way your body looks, work out more.  If you don’t feel close to God, do more; pray more, read the Bible more, give more, serve more.

Probably my favorite words from the lips of Jesus are found in the gospel of Matthew (11:28-30).  I like Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the verses. 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Do you connect with this passage at a deep, intuitive level?  Does it create a longing inside; a longing to experience rest?  Does it conflict with another intuitive drive, a drive to do more; an internalized message that doing more will somehow make fatigue better instead of making it worse?

If so, maybe the lesson to be learned is the one I’m still learning.  Instead of combating burnout by doing more, combat it by doing less.  Listen to Jesus!  (Followers of Jesus do more than proclaim that Jesus is the Way.  They follow the Way of Jesus.)  Stop!  Get off the spinning wheel!  Go fishing!  Sleep a lot!  Get away with Jesus and recover your life.

Christus Victor

On Sunday March 10th we will begin a new series of sermons at the church I serve. (zoarchurch.com)  The title of the series is "The Cross: what really happened when Jesus died."  This is a video blog to invite discussion about the first of those sermons; the ancient "atonement theory" called Christus Victor (Victorious Christ).  The idea is that on the cross, through the death and subsequent resurrection of Jesus Christ, God won the victory over the forces of evil.  Anyway, if you would like, take a quick look at the video and feel free to offer comments or questions.

Dental Clinic and Clothes Closet

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father… for I needed clothes and you clothed me.  I needed my teeth filled and you filled them for me…’  Then they will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you needing clothes and clothed you or needing your teeth filled and filled them for you?’  The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine you did for me.’” (Matthew 25:31-40 paraphrased)

I know… I know… I’m taking some liberties with the Holy Scriptures.  Some may be offended but, in my opinion, the paraphrase is true to the original intent of the speaker; who, by the way, was Jesus.  And, in my opinion, he is delighted; not so much with my loose translation, but with what is happening outside my office right now… right now as I’m writing.

Once a year our church sponsors a dental clinic.  The Baptist State Convention provides a bus that houses two dental offices.  Along with lots of other volunteers, dentists and dental hygienists from our community give their time and talent so that people can receive dental care free of charge.  The clinic is going on right now.  Over the course of the next two days, around 100 patients will receive dental care! 

While they are here, the patients can also walk through our clothing room and pick out what they need, also free of charge.  The people who come here to receive this service are treated with respect and dignity.  They have the opportunity to talk to people who will listen to them and pray with them – really listen and really pray!

It may sound like I’m bragging on our people a little bit… Okay, I am bragging on our people a little bit.  But, in my defense, I think I have a good reason.   

I know that the Christian community gets a lot of bad press these days.  (A couple weeks ago I wrote about "Bad Press for Preachers.”)  I know that some of that bad press is deserved.  Some people who claim the name of Jesus can be crude and cruel, rude and ruthless.  Some vent their hatred and call it “standing up for the truth.”  Some attack others and call it “righteous indignation.” 

I want to say as clearly as I can that those people do not represent Jesus Christ!  Let me say it again.  Those who hurt others in the name of Jesus are not speaking for Jesus, they are speaking against him!  They are not representing the Jesus we read about in the gospels.  They represent some kind of misguided and distorted religious expression but it is not Christianity.  It is not the movement that Jesus launched 2000 years ago.   

So if you are outside of the Christian community maybe you have a good reason.  Maybe you have been burned by a form of religion that claims the name of Jesus but does not reflect his heart.  If so, I hope you can see the other side of the coin.  I hope you can see followers of Jesus actually following Jesus.  I hope you can see that there are many people who not only claim that Jesus is the Way, they actually follow the Way of Jesus!

The Heart of Jesus

“im going to church is fun and u go to learn about god and jesuse.” 

That’s a “sentence” that was posted on my friend’s facebook page last Wednesday night.  My friend is an eleven year old boy who’s growing up in really challenging circumstances.  His mom is trying hard to help him and his siblings break the cycle of family dysfunction.  She has a big job.

My friend (I’ll call him Douglas) was introduced to our church through a tutoring ministry we sponsor in his neighborhood.  He was instantly drawn to the volunteers who were genuinely kind and interested in him.  So naturally, getting tutored led to more.  He and his family requested transportation to our worship services on Sunday morning.  Which naturally led to more.  He and his family requested transportation to our Wednesday night activities which include a good meal and classes for all ages. 

And so last Wednesday night, after he got home, Douglas posted “im going to church is fun and u go to learn about god and jesuse.”

I write about this because I believe what our church is doing for Douglas and his family reflects the very heart of Jesus. 

The Jesus biographers (the writers of the four gospels) tell us that people were bringing children to Jesus so that he could touch them and bless them.  In the ancient world children were not considered to be very valuable, or even noticed by adults, until they were old enough to become productive workers.  (I think sometimes the same thing happens in our world.)  So the disciples were discouraging these people (probably mothers) from bringing their children to Jesus.  Surely the Messiah wouldn’t want to be bothered with the little disease carriers. It would be like the president ditching a Cabinet meeting to baby sit his sister’s kid.

The Bible says that when Jesus saw the disciples turning children away “he was indignant and he said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’  And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.”   (Mark 10:13-16)

 

This is the heart of Jesus.

The gospel writer Matthew says that Jesus once looked out over the crowds of people and “he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.  Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.’”  (Matthew 10:36-38)

This is the heart of Jesus.

The gospel writer Luke records one of the first speeches Jesus gave.  It would be kind of like a politician publically outlining his agenda for the first time.  Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”  (Luke 4:18-19)

This is the heart of Jesus.

In another important speech Jesus said… “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.  Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.  Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”  (Luke 6:20-21)

This is the heart of Jesus.

Sometimes some well meaning person will ask me why our church’s vision is to see our city transformed as we become more like Jesus and lead others to him.  Shouldn’t we be focused on “the church family?”  Sometimes someone will “correct” me by telling me that my primary job is to care for “the flock.”  Which begs the question, who does Jesus consider his flock?  Remember, Jesus looked out on the crowd and thought of them as his flock… his responsibility… his disciple’s responsibility.

So I tell people my job is to make sure the heart of the church is like the heart of Jesus.

By the way, Douglas and his brother and sisters will be baptized as followers of Jesus Christ next month.  I think they will be baptized, at least in part, because our church has a heart like Jesus.

Trying To Understand "Belief" and "Trust"

I’ve blogged about “Belief” before. (Can I Force Myself To Believe?)  Lots of other people have too.

I guess we could read from now on and write from now on and still not really understand fully the ancient Biblical concept of belief. 

Here’s one more attempt during a recent sermon.

If you would like to have a serious conversation about belief in Jesus Christ, please feel free to contact me. rob@zoarchurch.com